Moving to a new country can evoke a wide range of emotions. While there may be excitement and optimism about the future, it is equally common for individuals to experience negative feelings, such as frustration, sadness, and distress. For the spouse who has moved to Finland—particularly if the move was motivated by external factors such as a partner’s job or family commitments—the adjustment can be especially difficult. Under such circumstances, feelings of guilt, responsibility, and distress are not uncommon for the one who brought them here. In this article, we will explore some tips to help mitigate negative emotions of partners who have brought their spouses to Finland.
1. Acknowledge that moving is a taxing experience for both of you
It is essential to recognize that adjusting to a new country is a significant and often challenging life change. Culture shock— a psychological response to the stress of adapting to an unfamiliar cultural environment—can manifest as feelings of confusion, frustration, and isolation. This experience is a normal part of the relocation process and can affect both partners (e.g., reverse culture shock when moving back to your home country). It is natural to experience moments of frustration or sadness, but these feelings do not necessarily define the overall relocation experience. Given the complexity of cultural adjustment, it is important to approach the situation with patience—both with your partner and with yourself. Journaling and open conversations with friends, family, or others in similar situations are great ways to process these emotions that ebb and flow.
2. Understand potential feelings of guilt and responsibility and how to deal with them
It is normal to feel guilty if your partner is struggling with the move, and it is natural to want to help them feel better. Feelings of guilt can arise, particularly when one partner feels responsible for the other’s discomfort or distress. Guilt makes us aware that we may be harming others and prompts us to take action to “fix” things. While guilt can motivate you to take action, it can also be counterproductive and increase stress, especially when it’s based on the unrealistic belief that you are fully responsible for your partner’s emotional experience. It’s important to recognize that while you can support your partner, you are not solely responsible for their emotional adjustment, nor can you “fix” how they feel. Instead, focus on offering support where you can—for example, helping them explore activities, social groups, or resources that facilitate their integration into Finnish life. You can also encourage open communication by creating a safe, non-judgmental space for them to express their feelings. Sharing your own feelings of guilt can help your spouse understand what you’re going through, strengthening mutual support.
3. Acknowledge your own limits in providing support
While you can be a source of practical and emotional support for your partner, it’s important to keep in mind your own level of emotional exhaustion. Overextending yourself to be your partner’s support when you are overwhelmed can lead to burnout and strain the relationship. If either partner is struggling significantly with the emotional impact of the relocation, consider seeking support from a psychologist or counselor. Therapy can provide a safe space to process these emotions and develop effective coping strategies.
4. Attend to basic self-care needs
During stressful times, it is all too easy to neglect fundamental aspects of self-care. However, maintaining a healthy routine that includes proper nutrition, sufficient rest, and physical activity is critical for both emotional and physical well-being. Stress can have significant effects on the body, and neglecting self-care can exacerbate emotional difficulties. Encouraging each other to maintain healthy habits—such as enjoying balanced meals, getting regular exercise, and ensuring adequate sleep—can help. Furthermore, engaging in activities that promote relaxation and enjoyment, either individually or as a couple, can be simple yet effective ways to alleviate stress and improve mood.
Conclusion
Moving to a new country is a profound life change that can elicit a range of emotional responses. It is especially challenging when one partner feels as though they were “brought” to a new country due to external circumstances. It is important to approach this transition with patience and compassion. Feelings of guilt and distress are common, and it is essential to remember that while you can provide support, you cannot “fix” your spouse’s emotional state. With the mutual sharing of feelings and experiences, practical support, and the cultivation of self-care routines, both partners can navigate this transition more effectively. If the emotional challenges of relocation persist, seeking professional help can offer valuable support and facilitate the adjustment process. Therapy can assist both partners in exploring their feelings, enhancing emotional resilience, and strengthening the relationship while adapting to life in Finland.